More Than We Ever Imagined

Sign the Petition

2009-12-11T11:55:00.002-05:00

I'm sure you have heard of the three Navy SEALs who are being court martialed for allegedly punching a terrorist in their custody. This is the man who is thought to be responsible for the ambush of the Blackwater contractors and their subsequent murder. Their bodies were then burned and hung on a bridge in Fallujah.

The SEALs are fighting the charges.

The stood up for us. It's time for us to stand up for them.

I Opened the Door and What Did I See But...

2009-12-02T15:20:00.001-05:00

Grace in her underwear with her shirt tied cape-like around her neck and her leggings tied around her waist like a skirt.

And Sam was totally nekkid.

Yeah. Things are getting back to normal around here.

And the Word of the Day is...

2009-11-27T21:24:00.001-05:00

Pertussis.

Whooping Cough.

Mike has it.

Not even kidding.

Thanksgiving 2009

2009-11-26T13:55:00.003-05:00

I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats, anxiously awaiting news of our latest Thansgiving debacle (tragedy, drama, whatever you want to call it).

Sam came into the bedroom this morning and when I opened my eyes I saw this

looking back at me.

I was horrified. He had red spots all over his face. Further investigation confirmed they were ALL OVER HIS BODY.

So, I grabbed a shower and loaded him into the van for a return trip to the acute care clinic in town (I knew they were opened today because they had a sign on the door when I was there last Thursday and this past Tuesday).

While I was in the shower, Mike got online and started looking up rashes. Just let me say upfront, that was a very bad choice. The only thing he could find that looked like what Sam had and fit his symptoms was MEASLES! Needless to say, I freaked out all the way to town.

It turns out the Prince is allergic to Ammoxicillan. It was what the doc prescribed for Sam's ear infection last week. He had never had it before and so we had no way of knowing. So he now has a different prescription and a week's wait for the rash to go away. And, his ear is still red and bulging. Apparently, in addition to being allergic to it, it was ineffective also.

He came home, ate a little lunch, then wanted to lay down with me on my bed (something we never do). Grace ate some chocolate pudding then went to bed. Less than 30 minutes later, she threw up her chocolate pudding.

It's never ending.

So, how was your Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is Dead to Me

2009-11-24T22:04:00.001-05:00

For the past, oh probably five or six years, someone (usually me) has been sick on or around Thanksgiving. I spent one Thanksgiving vomiting then breaking out into hives and going to the ER. The year I was pregnant with Sam, the smell of turkey and gravy made me ill (more vomiting). Two years ago, more vomiting. My family celebrated without me (again).

This year I am the only one not sick.

Mike has had a bug for a week now. Grace and Sam are running fevers and coughing (and Sam has an ear infection), and Miracle has the flu.

I've got everything I need to fix a Thanksgiving meal but ya know what? I'm not doing it because no one really feels like eating it.

Right now I don't care about the Pilgrims and how difficult everything was for them and how they were helped by the natives Peoples.

I. Just. Do. Not. Care.

Thanksgiving is dead to me.

This Morning Grace Made an Important Decision

2009-11-18T08:36:00.000-05:00

We were in my bedroom, and she asked me if Jesus lived in our hearts. I told her, yes, He did, if we asked Him to.

"I'm going to go look for Him in my bedroom." (She's always looking for Him. Cracks me up.)

She came back in and announced that, although she had looked "everywhere" she just couldn't find Him in her bedroom. Then she said,

"I asked Jesus to live in my heart."

I was so excited about this! But, being Grace, there had to be more.

"Won't He get blood?"

"Will He have to take a shower today? I think He will because of the blood."

For the Low, Low Price of $6.62...

2009-11-15T21:14:00.003-05:00

we filled up the van Saturday. And, it was half empty!

Do you realize the wonderfulness of that? Usually it takes around $30 at the half tank level. It can easily go over $40 if it's lower.

But on Saturday it was $6.62.

How is this possible? you ask.

Two words: Giant Eagle.

I started going to Giant Eagle a couple months ago. I found that, although our bill might be a bit higher up front, we actually save money over the long run because we've stopped making quick trips in "Just to pick up a few things." That, my friends, is the power of breaking the WalMart habit.

That's right, we are no longer WalMart shoppers.

And we spend less money.

And, because of FuelPerks, we pay $6.62 to fill up the van.

It's a win-win situation.

2009-11-08T10:02:00.002-05:00

Well, thankfully that's over with!

My (mostly) oblivious teen made a half-batch of chocolate chip cookie dough for me to help fight off the grumps. My throat is feeling better, and swelling is pretty much gone. Grace still talks too much and Sam still won't wipe his nose, but, baby steps, right?

Mike and the girls are at church. Sam and I got to stay home because he has a nasty sounding cough. Last week we got a notice after Sunday school that the class had been exposed to Whooping Cough, so we're not taking any chances. I don't think that's what he has because his cough is very wet sounding. From what I've read, in the beginning stages Whooping Cough is very dry. Hopefully we're safe.

Loony Tunes has been the theme of the morning. We've watched almost all the Road Runners and most of the Elmer Fudd ones. Sam gets his gun, says, "I'm Elmer Fudd, Mommy," and runs back the hallway to wait. He comes up the hall singing his song and shooting ducks and rabbits.
It's been very entertaining.

Nothing else is really going on. Maybe I can find some new pictures to share. Hold on a minute.

Okay, sorry, can't right now. Something's going on with Blogger and it won't let me add any images.

The Bad Mood Mom Strikes Again

2009-11-04T13:55:00.003-05:00

So I'm in a bad mood today.

It's not something I deliberately planned. It's as much a surprise to me as it is to my children.

And we are all so thrilled about it.

I guess I woke up like this. I haven't been sleeping well for going on a week. My throat is doing this sore/swollen thing. The glands in my neck have been swollen and sore (A doctor you say? Surely not!). I finally discovered if I cover my face with the sheet I can sleep for longer than twenty minutes at a time. But then I get hot because so much of me is covered up and I get all sweaty. Ugh. I hate that. The nights have not been blissful.

Plus with Grace and Sam, let's just say it's been challenging. Grace absolutely never stops talking. Seriously, she'll talk, talk, talk, ask a question, talk, talk, talk, repeat the question, tall, talk, talk, demand an answer, talk, talk, talk. She never gives you a chance to actually answer the question. Or, by the time you do she has no idea what you're talking about because she's been talking so much she can't remember the question. Plus, she's a sneaky little mastermind who comes up with wonderful schemes designed to get Sam in the maximum amount of trouble possible while she sits back and grins.

Yes, at the tender age of five she's one of them.

And then there's Sam. He "misses" absolutely everybody. You can be holding him on your lap and he'll turn around, bury his head on your shoulder, and tell you he "miss you." He also does this regarding the parent who is not around when he's getting into trouble (He misses hos dad all day long.). And he whines about everything. Every. Little. Thing. And he throws temper tantrums. Very loud, dramatic ones, with much sound but little actual tears. And he refuses to wipe his own nose.

Miracle is hiding in her room, taking the day off from school. I knocked on her door and warned her of the grumpiness because she probably was unaware of it. (She is a teenager, you know.) She didn't seem too surprised. Huh. How bout that.

Anybody want to trade? Maybe my bad mood would go too.

Because You Always Wondered...

2009-11-03T13:53:00.000-05:00

Why God made moms
answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

A Hunting We Will Go

2009-10-28T13:07:00.002-04:00

I might have mentioned before that Samuel is a wee bit, um, how to put this, enthusiastic about guns. His very favorite present for his third birthday was a gift bag full of guns and swords.

He recently got two new guns. An M-16 with a built-in flash light (he shot me with it while I was trying to get my Bible study lesson finished yesterday morning), and a sawed-off double-barrel shot gun that shoots suction cup bullets.

Sam also has another passion. He has discovered the wonderfulness of Loony Tunes (you see where this is going, right?). He would watch them all day long if he could. One of his favorites is where Elmer Fudd is hunting Bugs and Daffy with his rifle. So now Sam goes through the house with his rifle singing, "A hunting we will go.."

It's especially fun when he drafts his daddy.

Grace is Obsessed

2009-10-28T13:05:00.001-04:00

With her loose tooth.

We had to discuss it in the van on the way to the doctor's.

We had to get a book about it at the library.

We had to discuss it more at the lunch table.

Is it very wrong to hope it's over soon so we can get it over with?

Grace is Horrified

2009-10-27T20:45:00.003-04:00

Grace has her first loose tooth. It's not very loose, just a tiny bit wiggly. Her dad and I had noticed it, but she hadn't yet.

Until tonight.

Somehow, and I really don't even remember how, the topic of her tooth came up at dinner. When she found out it would get looser and eventually come out, she was aghast. She did not want her tooth to come out. She did not want to have a hole that would feel kind've funny and her tongue would want to feel all the time. She wanted nothing to do with any of it.

She was especially upset that she had no choice in the matter.

"But I don't want my tooth to come out. I don't want to have a hole."

"Well Grace, you really can't stop it. God made that rule that everyone would loose their baby teeth and then new, big teeth would grow."

I'm pretty sure she was not convinced, even when she saw a picture of her sister with a missing tooth.

Just wait until she finds out about the blood.

2009-10-22T09:50:00.002-04:00

As you can tell, we went to the zoo yesterday.

Mike took the week off, just to get some things done around the house, hang out with the family, maybe even go on a date with his wife. Yesterday was the first opportunity to go somewhere.

Grace and Sam wanted to see the flamingos and crocodiles, so that was our first stop. It was still cool when we arrived, so the birds were very vocal and active. The ducks sharing the flamingos' water kept launching over Miracle's head and grouching at everyone. We were concerned about one particular flamingo as he stood with his neck limp and his head dangling towards the ground. It was rather disconcerting to see.

The crocs were just laying in the water on our first pass. On the way back through, however, one was laying on the ground, directly in front of the observation area. His eyes were open, and I think he viewed my children as tasty treats. He bored of us, however, and we actually go to see him move. He turned away from us and moved towards the water. Mike remarked of his deceptive slowness.

Grace and Sam rode the carousel for the very first time. Grace was apprehensive, so we put her in the middle, and she held Miracle's hand. Sam grinned like a loon the entire time and each time he saw his dad yelled, "Hi Daddy!" They all wanted to ride again.

The gorillas were quite active as well. One repeatedly slapped the glass, making the children on the other side squeal delightedly. Inside, one was fascinated by a man observing him. The gorilla approached him, and the man put his hand on the glass. The gorilla returned the gesture, and looked intently at the man, moving his hand to various parts of the man's face. Grace and Sam were surprised to see a gorilla eating popcorn.

Our last stop was the elephants. Thankfully there were some outside as I really couldn't face the smell of inside accommodations. There were, I think, four of them standing outside in plain sight. Well, except for Sam. He claimed he could not see them.

"Do you see them?"
"No, I don't see them."
"Are your eyes open? Do you have eyes?"
"No, I don't have eyes."

So we left, tired and hungry, with an eye-less little boy.

Vacation

2009-10-21T23:25:00.004-04:00

5 is so Very Interesting

2009-08-20T11:53:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wish I could figure out how her mind works. Other times I'm glad I can't.

We've been having discussions about Jesus. Guaranteed to make your head hurt and/or your eye twitch uncontrollably. Blood may even squirt out your ears.

I'm just sayin'.

This is how it usually goes:

Grace: "Jesus lives at our house, right?"
Me: "Yep. Jesus lives at our house."
Grace: "I don't think Jesus lives at our house."
Me: "Well, he does."
Grace: "Where is He? Is He a good hider?"
Me: "Yes, Grace, He's a very good hider."
Grace: "He's a good hider 'cause we can't see Him. What does Jesus wear?"
Me: "What do you think Jesus wears?"
Grace: "Why can't we see Him?"
Me: "It's time to do school now, Grace."

Why doesn't her dad ever get to have these conversations?

Excuse Me. Do You Have the Time?

2009-10-07T13:36:00.002-04:00

Grace is learning to tell time. She and Mike sit together at the kitchen table after supper with her work book and the clock from the bathroom, and they practice. First they did the "o'clocks" because that's the easiest one. Now they have moved on to "half-past." If it's not an "o'clock" or a "half-past" then it's a "something." So all day long I get updates from Grace. Which is good because I tend to get rather scatter-brained and lose track of time. But now I've got Grace to keep me on track. What could possibly go wrong?

Sam is obsessed with The Itsy Bitsy Spider. He sings it all the time. Well, he kind've sings it. He doesn't really know all the words, so he makes them up or just repeats what he's already said. It gets interesting.

School is going well for Miracle. She took her final science test yesterday, so she's finished with eighth grade science. Two more math tests and that's out of the way. She's almost finished with composition and literature also. She needs to finish up spelling and Spanish as well as history and grammar. At this rate she'll be starting ninth grade in January of February. I asked her if she would please wait until she's sixteen to graduate. It would be nice if she could drive before she graduated.

Mike and I celebrated our 21 anniversary on Sunday. Twenty-one years ago he asked me to go steady and gave me his class ring. I still have his ring but he lost mine in a car wreck. Somehow his Mitsubishi Colt couldn't stand up to a Ford Grenada. Go figure. Anyway, we've been stuck together for a long time. I tell him I have too much time and money invested in him to start over with someone new. He keeps me around because he doesn't know how to do hair (interesting trivia; Mike's had a daughter for 13 years and he's never done a pony tail.).

So That's How It Works

2009-09-28T10:12:00.003-04:00

In honor of our upcoming anniversary, here's a look at dating and marriage; how it happens and why, according to the most astute observers.

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
– Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
– Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- – Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- – Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. –
Anita, age 9

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck . –
Ricky , age 10

* My personal faves are #3 and #4

Because We May As Well Start Preparing Now

2009-09-21T21:00:00.001-04:00

FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

Daddy's Rules for Dating

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a sand dune near Baghdad . When my post traumatic stress syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

Maybe She Really Does Listen

2009-09-15T19:39:00.002-04:00

"Momma, is it time?"

"HHMMM?" I'm distracted by the political news I'm reading online.

"Is it time to say sorry for crying like a baby?"

I look up from my screen to see Grace looking at me with an earnest look on her face. Evidentially, things did not go so well at home while I was at "Miss 'Nette's" for bible study.

Furthermore, I didn't really ask for details. I figured they could work it out themselves. But at supper we did talk about telling people we were sorry when we had been bad or done something wrong.

Maybe she really listened.

It's On

2009-09-10T12:09:00.000-04:00

HAPPY THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY, MIRACLE!!!!!

Christmas Shopping Help For You

2009-09-05T16:57:00.002-04:00

Because I'm such a nice person, here's some helpful hints for that special man in your life.

Rule #1: When in doubt -- buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. For that matter any power tool is a good choice. He may not need it, or know what it does, but it will look good hung on the peg board in the garage.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" &quotOK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties and never buy men bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, He wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. We do not stink -- we are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a professional sports game (any team within 300 miles) are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."

Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don' t know why, please refer to Rule #8 and note what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.

Rule #16: Clamps. Men can never have enough quick grip clamps. No one knows why.

Rule #17: Buy your man Duct Tape. This is a man's most universal repair tool. All men know, if you can't fix it, duct it.[1]

[1] Duct tape is like the Force: it has a light side, a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

Grace Has a New Experience

2009-09-03T08:59:00.002-04:00

It seems as if for the past 2-3 weeks someone in this house has been sick.

Mike had a problem with Vertigo the weekend mom fell and hit her head. Then his sinuses decided to play the Samba. Then his back went on strike. Then his ankle was bothering him.

Okay, maybe it was mostly Mike. He is getting up there in years you know.

Sam was the next victim. His nose was like a faucet. He laid on me and whined all day long. Then last Wednesday, he threw up in his bed. His temperature went up to about 101 and stayed there for four days. On Saturday we went to urgent care because I was too bad a mother to take him to his own doctor during the week. We left with an antibiotic and high hopes. He's thrown up twice more. But, his fever is staying down. Too bad about his nose, though. I'm not sure we have enough tissues to survive this.

Then last there was Grace.

While checking Sam's temp yesterday, Grace wanted me to check hers also. It was a little over one hundred. When she woke from her nap, she felt like a blast furnace. It was over 102, and she said her throat hurt. I called Mike to find out where he was on his journey home and to inform him of our impending trip to urgent care (by this time the doctor's office was closed, of course). We finally got going, with her blankie and bunny in tow. Things were okay until she started acting squirrely in the waiting room. It was beyond her usual doctor's office nervousness. Thankfully, she was sitting on her dad because she threw up. (That's a good way to speed up your wait time, FYI). We got her cleaned up and checked out, and we left with a school excuse for the rest of the week (oh, the irony). The rapid Strep test was negative, but they were going to send it out to the lab for further testing. So if they don't call by Sunday, it's just a nasty bug.

On the way home it hit me. That was the first time Grace had ever thrown up. No wonder she was so freaked out! But, how weird is that, that someone is five the first time they throw up? I guess her healthiness makes up for Sam's constant illness.

I Want My Summer Back

2009-08-30T20:18:00.002-04:00

We didn't even have our a/c on today.

It's technically still August, so we should be sweltering.

We should turn into a puddle of goo as soon as we crack open the door.

It should take at least 20 minutes to be able to even sit in your vehicle after it's been sitting in the sun.

The pool should be in use every minute of every day.

Instead, we can leave our windows open and not even turn on the a/c.

Our pool has been sorely underutilized this year.

I want a do-over.

Today I Ordered Her 13th Birthday Cake

2009-08-28T15:43:00.001-04:00