My mom

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC . 'Because I said so. That's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY. 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION. 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP. 'Put your sweater on. Don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'

Okay, I joke about my mom a lot. I call her "Scrawny Woman" and "Old Woman" and just generally insult her. I tell her she's aggravating and contrary ( and she really is) and that I'm going to stick her in a nursing home and leave her there.

But I love my mom. I love her very much. She was my best friend growing up, and she's still one of the most important people in my life.

Mom is getting on in years and she had a huge problem with her balance. She tends to fall down, and when she falls down, she hurts herself.

This past Saturday she fell out in the yard. Saturday at 6:05 pm she was taken into emergency surgery because her brain was starting to swell. If they didn't operate, she would die. Over four hours later we were allowed to see her. She was still unconscious, but she was alive. The doctor wouldn't make any promises about her prognosis. He said they next 24 hours would be critical. She would be in ICU at least through the weekend.

When Mike and I went to see her yesterday, she was being moved to a step-down unit. If everything went well, she could maybe go home in a week. Today, she's sitting up in a chair (granted, she's sleeping in it, but come on! She just had brain surgery!), and she's expecting to go home before Friday. (No word yet on the doctor's expectation.)

Her head is completely shaved. She has staples in her skull. She bruised heaven only knows where all. She has a broken wrist. But she's alive. She's going to be okay.

My mom.